How to enjoy your family, part 3 April 30, 2009

Make sure to go back and read Part 1 and Part 2 if you are just joining us today. This is some good stuff! I hope you are feeling as challenged as I am. (Unless of course you are perfect and therefore your family is perfect in which case you need to leave me some pointers!)

April 30, 2009
How to Enjoy Your Family
Part 3
Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth
Proverbs 31:26 “When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule for everything she says.”

Friend To Friend
Family is important to God. He created it before He created the church and, as with each of His creations, He made a plan for it to succeed.  At the heart of that plan is love!  To be part of a family is to be loved.  Over the last two days, we have examined the first steps to loving your family; to build trust, to serve them with joy, to plan well and to work hard.  We can also love and enjoy our family by guarding our tongue.

The power of the spoken word is great.  Words are like seeds.  What we plant will grow.  If we plant negative, critical words, we will reap a family that is negative and critical.  Look for the good in your family then speak it.  Be their cheerleader.  Everyone needs a cheerleader!

A little girl was eating breakfast with her Daddy. They were “on a date”, spending some special time together.  He was telling her how wonderful she was and how proud he was of her.  What he thought was a sufficient job he picked up his fork and began to eat. His daughter put her hand on his arm and stopped him with these words, “Longer, Daddy, longer.”  He didn’t eat much food that day but a little girl’s hungry heart got fed. Do you have any hearts like that in your family?

CBS released a movie about Karen Carpenter, the great singer who rose to stardom singing with her brother, Richard.  At the age of 32, she died unexpectedly of heart failure due to many years of abuse caused by Anorexia.  But what brought on Karen’s fatal obsession with weight control? It seems that a reporter once called her “Richard’s chubby little sister.”

Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD: keep watch over the door of my lips.”

Ask yourself these questions before speaking.

T       is it true?

H       Is it helpful?

I       is it inspiring?

N       is it necessary?

K       is it kind?

Think before you speak!  Use the five to one ratio when correcting anyone – five positive remarks to one negative. The harder the truth, the greater the love we should use to say it.  It is our responsibility to use our words to train and instruct our family about the daily things in life, but more importantly, to instruct them about eternal things.  We are very concerned about providing for our children when we need to be more concerned about caring for our children.  The greatest care we can give is to disciple them by speaking words of truth.  Guard your tongue!

The sixth way to enjoy our family is to take care of ourselves.  The Proverbs 31 woman certainly did.  “She is energetic.  Her own clothing is beautifully made–a purple gown of pure linen.  She is a woman of strength and dignity and has no fear of old age.”  (Proverbs 31:17; 22; 25 LB)

Families are hard work. In order to make our family relationships replenishing we must be replenished.  Psalm 46:10 instructs us to “Be still and know that I am God.”  Let’s apply this verse specifically.

Be still, MY MUSCLES, and know God’s RELAXATION.

Be still, MY NERVES, and know God’s REST.

Be still, MY HEART, and know God’s QUIETNESS.

Be still, MY BODY, and know God’s RENEWAL.

Be still, MY MIND, and know God’s PEACE.

In order to be all that we can be to our families, we must be all that we can be mentally,             physically, spiritually and emotionally.  We must be balanced.  The Proverbs 31 woman was energetic and hard working for the tasks she was gifted and called to do.  Proverbs 31:25 tells us this woman could laugh “at the days to come.”  The picture here is of a woman who enjoyed her life.  She worked hard, but she knew how to stop and plant a vineyard.  She liked to shop and watched for bargains.  She liked to look beautiful, dressing in purple fine linen.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.”

We cannot give our heart to God and keep our body for ourselves.  When you take care of yourself, you are honoring God and loving your family.

The final way to enjoy and love your family is to remember your audience.

Proverbs 31:28-31 “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”

It’s so easy to have the wrong audience and the truth is that our audience determines how we run the race.  Our audience should be God, our mate, our children and then others.  One day we will stand before God as keeper of the family He has loaned to us

for a short time.  Will He be pleased?  Will He say “Well done”?  Will our family stand and bless us?  Will others say this woman loved and enjoyed her family?

Let’s Pray
“Lord, You know my inadequacies.  You know my weaknesses, not only in parenting, but in every area of my life.  As You broke the fishes and the loaves to feed the five thousand, now take my meager effort and use it to bless my family. Please make up for the things I did wrong.  Satisfy the needs that I have not satisfied.  Wrap Your great arms around my family and draw them close to You. And be there when they stand at the great crossroads between right and wrong.  All I can give is my best, and I, today, choose to do that!  Therefore, I submit to You my family and myself and the job I have done and will do as a wife and mother.  The outcome belongs to You.” (Author unknown)

Now It’s Your Turn
I truly believe our greatest opportunity to impact the world is the way we love and enjoy family.  I pray that you have been blessed by this study.  I encourage you to examine your family in light of these principles.  Identify one principle that needs some work and get started.  It is never too late to start and it is always too early to give up, girlfriend.  And know that Gwen, Sharon and I are right there with you on this journey.  Blessings!

More from the Girlfriends
Family is complex and wonderful.  I encourage you to make a new commitment to your family – no matter what “family” looks like to you.  Choose to love those you call family in a new way.  Determine to daily illustrate God’s very character in your home.  Be the thermostat – not the thermometer – of your home.  We pray that your home is a place of peace, love and joy and that it honors God.

How to Enjoy Your Family, Part 2 April 29, 2009

Please bear with me as we read part 2 of this 3 part series. I promise after tomorrow we will go back to my random ramblings. This is something that has really been on my heart lately and I want to share it with you. If you missed yesterday, feel free to go back and read part 1.

April 29, 2009
How to Enjoy Your Family, Part 2
Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth
Proverbs 31:13; 15; 20 (NIV) “She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.  She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.”

Friend To Friend
Family is important to God. He created it before He created the church and, as with each of His creations, He made a plan for it to succeed.  At the heart of that plan is love.  To be part of a family is to be loved. Yesterday, we saw that the first step to loving our family is to build trust.  The second step is to serve our family with joy.  We are told by many to serve ourselves not others.  The Proverbs 31 woman had every opportunity to live a life of leisure.

·         She has a prominent husband.

·         She had a lot of influence.

·         She was visible and active in community.

·         She was in charge of charity events.

But she got up while it was still dark to make breakfast for her family and for those who served her.  Verse 13 tells us she worked with “eager” hands.  The literal meaning of “eager” is “in delight or in chosen joy.”  In other words, she chose to serve with joy, which means we can choose to serve our family with joy as well.  Jesus teaches the truth that service is a natural result of love.

Galatians 5:13 (LB) “For, dear brothers, you have been given freedom: not freedom to do wrong, but freedom to love and serve each other.”

Yet, many of us find it easier to serve everyone in love except our family.  When my husband, Dan, was a youth pastor, we saw a variety of family dynamics.  At one church, a young man came to us in tears.  I will never forget his words, “My parents are getting a divorce because mom has time for everyone in the world except my dad and me!”  Service to those we love and call family should not be a burden.  In fact, an attitude of service is contagious!  The best way to teach your family to serve is to serve them.

From childhood, making the bed was one of my kid’s daily chores but I told them that one day a week, I would make their bed for them.  It could be on a day when they were running late for school, when they were too tired or didn’t feel well. Whatever the reason, I would serve them by making their bed one day a week. One morning, I was running behind.  My husband was recovering from an emergency appendectomy and I had been at the hospital day and night and was exhausted.  I got up very early, took one look at my bed and decided I just didn’t want to make it.  I went to take a shower, hoping it would wake me up.  When I came out, Danna, our eleven-year-old daughter had made my bed.  To love our family, we must serve with joy.

Plan well.

Proverbs 31:15b, 21, 27 (LB) “She plans the day’s work. She has no fear of winter for her household, for she has made warm clothes for all of them.  She watches carefully all that goes on throughout her household.”

Planning prevents chaos.  This woman is in control of her home and her life.  The control came from good planning.  She mastered the skill of homemaking before she ever set foot in the workplace.  She set her priorities; then arranged her life around them. She didn’t allow others to set priorities for her but chose to focus on what was important, not just urgent.  Have you noticed that the urgent things in life barge in demanding attention while the important things wait to be chosen?  We can spend a lifetime on the urgent and miss the important. We must set family priorities because if we don’t, the world will.

The Proverbs 31 woman knew what needed to be done and made sure that it was done first and in the right way.  She didn’t fear winter or the hard times because she was prepared.  Family should provide the most satisfying earthly relationships. If it doesn’t, the problem may be with our planning.  Here are some simple tips for planning:

1.  Budget your time.

2.  Choose one day a week to plan the entire week.

3.  Eliminate.  Have an “elimination” meeting once a month with your family.  Eliminate the things that are hurting your family.

4.  Learn to leave the “lesser” things undone.

5.  Delegate. Include everyone in the family in the work as well as the playing.

6.  Simplify.  Give up on perfection. It’s for heaven … not earth!

Plan well!  It demonstrates your love for your family!

Work hard.

Proverbs 31:16-18 (LB) “She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her own hands she plants a vineyard.

She is a hard worker. She works far into the night.”

There is nothing lazy about this woman and laziness should not be part of our character as women of God.  This is a busy woman, but not too busy and not busy doing the wrong things.  Busyness does not always equal productivity.  I believe a woman can have it all – a career, a family.  I’m just not sure she can have it all at the same time.

The Proverbs 31 woman has a strong sense of who she is and what God created her to be.  She has a clear plan for life and notice she doesn’t do all of the work herself.  (By the way, this is your scriptural justification for a maid or as I tell my children, why do you think God made kids?)  Working together builds a sense of family.  In a nationwide survey, thousands of school children were asked, “What makes a happy family?”  The most-mentioned key to happiness was “doing things together.”  Plan “family projects” and family work days.  At the end of day, order a pizza and rent a movie as reward.  You can build some of your greatest family traditions and memories around work.  Every Thanksgiving week-end, we buy a Christmas tree and put up Christmas lights.  While it is a lot of work, it is also a family tradition.  I never have to ask the kids to help.  They are eager to join in.  A woman who loves her family is willing to work hard for them and with them, planning well and building trust.

Let’s Pray
Father, family is so important to me.  Thank You for the family You have given me.  I love each one of them.  Help me to show them that love in ways they can understand.  I pray that our family will be filled with trust and become a haven for each person.  Be glorified in our home and in our family.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

• Identify areas of family life that need to be more structured.
• Establish a weekly family meeting to plan, to keep up and, in short, connect as a family.
• Use the principles in step three to become a better planner.
• Establish a new family tradition that requires the work of every family member.

More From The Girlfriends
I once heard the statement, “Home is the place you go where they have to take you in.”  I love that!  And it really is true.  Tomorrow, we conclude this study on how to enjoy your family.  I pray that it is making a difference in your life and in your family.  Remember, your home and family is the best place for God to show up and show off.

How to Enjoy your family April 28, 2009

April 28, 2009

How to Enjoy Your Family

Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth

Proverbs 31:11-12; 30 (NIV) “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm. A woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

Friend To Friend

Family means different things to different people. What is a family? Well, I can tell you that it is not what it used to be. Family is no longer simple, but blended and complex. It has changed to include many different relationships of people who live together.

· Couples with children

· Couples with no children

· Single women with children

· Single men with children

· Grandparents with children

· Parents with grown children who have left and come back home

· Close friends living together

· Unrelated people living together

And they are all family! Family is a group of persons belonging to or forming a household. We’ve looked at what a family is, but more important is the question, “What is the purpose of family?” There are no perfect families. There never have been. However, the purpose of family is to illustrate the nature and character of God. In other words, family is the primary place we learn about God.

A Sunday school class of first-graders was asked to draw a picture of God. When the pastor stopped by to inspect their work, the children were happy to show him their drawings. One child had drawn God in the form of a brightly colored rainbow. Another had drawn the face of an old man coming out of billowing clouds. One drawing looked a lot like Superman, but perhaps the best picture was the one proudly displayed by a girl who said, “I didn’t know what God looked like exactly, so I drew my daddy!”

Children get their first impressions of God from their parents. The family is important to God. In fact, He created it before He created the church and, as with each of His creations, He made a plan for it to succeed. At the heart of that plan is love. To be part of a family is to be loved. So the challenge before us today is how should we love our family?

I know we all want to be part of a family where we give and receive love. Proverbs 31 tells us how. This chapter, a portrait of a wife and mother, was painted by a King as the kind of woman his mother wanted her son to marry. It is a standard of excellence, not only for women, but for every member of every family. Over the next three days, we will find seven ways in the life of this woman to love your family.

1. Build trust

Proverbs 31:11 tells us that “her husband has full confidence in her.” “Full confidence” literally means to trust, to take refuge in or to lean on. The Proverbs 31 woman spent a lifetime building trust. She trusted God and had a personal relationship with Him (vs. 30). We cannot be trustworthy if we are not trusting, and if we don’t trust God, we cannot truly trust others. If we are not “taking refuge” or “leaning on” Jesus Christ, when others take refuge and lean on us, we will crumble and fall. Trust shatters fear

Psalm 56:3 (NIV) “But when I am afraid, I will put my confidence in you. Yes, I will trust the promises of God. And since I am trusting him, what can mere man do to me?”

Trust is fragile and once broken, very hard to build again. When our daughter was a little girl, she constantly rode on the trusted shoulders of her dad, and loved it. Then, one day, at a church youth activity, one of the youth was playing around and punched Dan in the stomach. Dan was caught off guard and the youth hit him harder than he meant to. Dan doubled over and Danna tumbled down. The next time Dan tried to put her on his shoulders, Danna refused. It took months for Dan to earn his daughter’s trust again. To enjoy our family, we must first trust God, which then enables us to build trust in our family. Our family needs to be able to trust us, no matter what, without having to worry about stepping on emotional land mines. There will be no joy in our homes if there is not an atmosphere of trust. Family is a “team” idea and nothing is more deadly to the success of a team than a lack of trust. Trust God and then build trust in your family. Tomorrow, we will explore other ways to enjoy your family. Don’t miss it!

Let’s Pray

Father, thank You for the family You have given me. I want to love them like they need to be loved. Help me to build trust in them as I learn to trust You more. Lord, help me to be trustworthy and to be the woman You want me to be as I minister to my family. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

* Make a list of ways your family can trust and depend on you.

* Identify any areas where you can build trust.

* Have a family meeting to discuss what it means to be a team.

* Constantly look for ways to foster the mindset that your family is a team.

More From The Girlfriends

Everywhere I look, splintered and broken families abound. Why? I believe that somewhere along the way, trust was broken by an affair…a betrayal…a forgotten vow. What is even more frightening is the casual approach to that broken trust. My friend, God is calling us to trust Him and then to build that trust in our family. Right now, no matter how many times you have failed, begin again. We are with you!

That one’s mine April 27, 2009

Can I brag on my boy today? I am so proud of him! Yesterday completed his second year in the Awana program at Oakwood Church.

Fun Awana stats: 92% of Awana alumni still attend church weekly or more as adults! And… 99% of Awana alumni believe that Jesus is the son of God. Can you believe it? What an amazing thing to instill in our children.

This year Axel came home loaded with awards. He finished his book and finally got his bear to put on his cubbie vest. He has been longing for it all year!

He also worked hard with Andrew to make a car for the Grand Prix car derby. He loves the special time with daddy and watching his ideas coming to life. They came up with a pretty sweet design!

Axel's is the one on the far right

Axel won 1st place for design, 1st place for speed in his age group and 1st place for speed overall! He loved watching his car race but I think daddy was more excited about the car winning than he was. lol.

When we come together April 26, 2009

Have I ever mentioned my husband has bad luck? I knew it while we dated and I still married him. I love him anyway. I’ve learned that it is all about how I handle each situation and every time I feel we come through it better.

Yesterday for example. Our little family of four had a delicious breakfast at Key’s Cafe. We then planned on going to Hastings for disc golf followed by a picnic at the waterfalls. Disc golf was great. I made a 53 foot putt (thank you very much). After we finished we walked back to the car chatting about where we were going to pick up lunch. When we arrived at the car we found we were missing something. The car key. It is just a lonely key. Not even on a ring. At a loss, Andrew asked if I brought my phone. Yup. It’s in the car.

Here’s where the choices start. This is not the first time this or something similar has happened. I could get upset, pass blame, and argue about it. Instead I choose to stay calm. This was not going to ruin the good day we were having. Andrew offered to walk the trails while I sat with the kids. I was not so sure that key would be found. Ever.

I prayed. And prayed. He was gone a long time. I was begging God to put that key right in front of Andrew. It would be a miracle for sure. I had another choice. I could be annoyed that I was sitting there tired, hungry and alone with two small children and not much to do. Instead, my prayers turned to relief.

At first I thought Andrew had found the key. I expected him to come running up at any minute with it. Then I realized it was thankfulness. I was thankful that it wasn’t raining. The kids were not over hungry and they had found the sand volleyball court to keep them occupied. If necessary there were lots of people around and one of them was bound to let us borrow a phone.

Andrew came back discouraged and keyless. I pointed him in the direction of some friendly disc golfers I had been chatting with and one of them let Andrew use the phone. He called our sister-in-law who lives in Hastings and she was able to come pick us up. From that point on things were in our favor. When we got to Sarah’s we called our friend (who’s car we are borrowing). He had an extra key and was home. Andrew drove to St. Paul while I ordered pizzas for everyone. When he got back we all ate and then Andrew and I went back to pick up the car.

Andrew decided he was going to walk the course one more time. I went with certain we would not find the key but excited for some kid free hubby time. After the first few holes we split up. I walked along wishing I had decided not to come with. After all what was the point if now I’m alone? We met back up having covered all the holes and slowly gravitated back towards one hole we thought it had to be at. I remembered Andrew pulling the towel out of the bag and guessed the key had fallen out with it.

“Where were you?” Andrew asked.

“Remember I threw my disc down this ravine and it got dirty?” (lol)

“Oh yeah,” recalled Andrew, “and then we both landed right here in this same spot. Remember you thought I was throwing your disc?”

He bent over, moved a leaf, and picked up the key.

Now if any of you have watched Wonder Pets you know a little song about teamwork. Whenever Axel needs a little help with something he will say, “Mom, I need a little teamwork over here.”

Had Andrew and I not gone out together we would not have found that key. I love gentle reminders of the value of working together in life and in my marriage. Had I freaked out about a missing key we would have had a perfectly awful day. Instead we had wonderful family time and even got to spend some unexpected time with our niece and nephews!

Praise the Lord.